sometimes i wish that
you tell me that there ain't any hope anymore
that the cup no more seems to be half filled
it is empty, the fluid has evaporated

sometimes, i wish that the tears just freeze
to a dreary dry brook on my cheeks
sometimes i wish just sometimes
that when i stand in the cold
it doesn't excite me to run and to see the beautiful unknown
or when this wind strokes my hair
it doesn't blow me to an unceasing whirlpool of imaginations

sometimes i wish, i just stop walking with those seeking eyes
against a wall which is cliched 'never to end'
sometimes i wish, just sometimes to stop wandering and wondering
around those islands of hope I've created

'cause sometimes they all look illusory
as if awaiting nothing but a flutter of a page
the blow of a wind
the sudden crack of a dilapidated chair
to turn the tables

sometimes i wish to fall
and to lay down with the yellow bed of wilted leaves
all bare,all naked, all exposed
all still, all numb in the blinding day light
amidst the clamour of the town

'cause sometimes it's really hard to move on
it's really hard to wait with
those awfully hopeful eyes
it's really hard to utter 'i will'
'cause you want to break yourself down
in that moment of pain!

disarray thoughts and a mulling mind

well...hello guys(i dunno when will i get the takers on the other end.....but its just the way how the words actually come fumbling out of my mouth when there really is an issue to be discussed by me)....see here i am doing nothing but blogging the thoughts that have stormed within my cranium which has actually pushed me into this direct lashing of my fingers against my keyboard and to type. how am i suppose to tell the sudden outburst of my so frequently visiting guests these days....yes...guests since i don't know if they are good but they are just occupying the space for a while and then moves away so guests.

i am all awake since 3 in the morning. and what i did?..well had to finish an assignment but the first thing first...i logged in to my orkut account checked something, read something and there! bang it!....what i read....it pushed me(i hold it guilty....as usually there need to be someone whom u can load your rantings on..no?)into my those sudden pangs of meditation, deep mulling sessions.all the time ilei was doing my articulate and meticulous engineering assignment , i was thinking nothing but puking all my thoughts onto the paper....it was a speeding of words inside my little cranium and my grey matter...well it was bubbling and why won't it....it was being fettered by nothing but a simple little...fucking(yeah...i know m going filthy)..shit of an assignment.
on the breakfast table i was saying my mom.."look i need to do something...someway...these thoughts are burning me.."..she asked me to relax n to be chill...yeah chill...well it is chill at 6:30 in the morning when u drive your activa....all shuddering and hearing the 'kit kit' of your teeth....and then parking it and strolling down to the exact location of the college bus stop...n sneaking out those really hot moments of sharing a space in front of those perishing newspaper articles into ashes....n see the words invigorating u even in their last moments...glorified death indeed!..but then suddenly u hear your bus honking right onto and just like a half obedient child looking disturbed and a bit infuriated on this disturbance and intrusion in your most revered times, you walk and figure out your seat and sit...u open a book of your taste "agony and ecstasy"...and just for one last second before diving into it look at the sun behind your closed window the one which u closed to save u from cold...and a child still without an under pant and running nose...and disheveled hair...and a dirty polly in his hands staring back at you and you as usual stoop down n read.....but these emotions, these thoughts, the ones which overpowered you right from the start of your day won't let you go so easily...you close the book and decides to observe the life...the living sketch of the almighty...."hmm so a little boy in red sweater waiting for his bus/a dog lying all dead in the middle of the road..no takers..."...n ohh this time the attack is severe...the white stretch of your lips...gone...and the lively animated eyes of yours are nothing but cold now...nothing but a lost dreary look visits it and settles there....and all of a sudden the life around you loses the meaning and on the second turn...you are standing juxtaposing the stagnation, the stillness, the tranquility , the human existence...you see the writings on the walls..."hindustani yunani store","papita,mosmi juice yahan milte hai"...the restlessness within u is asking for the significance, something it is not understanding out of the obvious....the obvious which is still oblivion to u..the simple things of life are under revolt within you..the questions are been asked the answers are being awaited....the state, yes the state with which i usually fight with, where i frantically long to run in an open field n to be one with and in this state my CW(co wanderer) doesn't share a seat beside me observing me but struggling horrendously with me in me , longing for the simplicity and hating the complexity(may be the reason why i hate the big mathematics equations n the very subject)..but you see there ain't any catharsis for me...i m back home but god damn it i haven't done my assignments as yet and now will sleep since am all whacked out...and will wake up again at 3 may be....(I'll have to, there is no escape...bloody sleepless college life.....lolzz...i m a forced insomniac...says my CW)
P.S. CW is my nameless, figureless buddy...i don't know what you call it but it's the one which never betrays me when it comes to listening me!!

there you are there!

There is this dream that am dreaming
And where you float as an unknown entity
Hey there you are there!1
With me holding my hand
in the background of that yellow husk
And the dancing tress

You are there with me holding my hand
And I resting my head o’er your shoulder
In the coziness of the December winter
Watching an open theatre

Hey there you are there!
In the crinkling sound of my laughter
And the shine in my pupil
Hey there you are there!
In the silent white stretch of my lips

Hey there you are there!
In my falling locks, in the wind brushing my hair
And sending a sense of parchment on my cheeks
Hey there you are there!
Within me oh! You are here right here
Holding the sorrows of my soul
And the brightness of my happiness

Hey there you are there!
For whom I waited so long
Hey look! am approaching you
With the numb moistened feet
Leaving a trail on the floor
In the dark sheets of this prickly night

Hey there you are there
In my long waits and anguish
Hey there you are there!
In my sighs and long dejected breath

Hey there you are there!
In my dreamy eyes and in my lethargic moves
On a languid afternoon
Hey there you are there!
In those fields where I long to run
N be one with along with the azure high above

Hey there you are there!
Right inside me
You travel with me and breathe with me
You feast with me
You dance with me
You live the parallel life with my revered characters of the stories

Hey there you are there!
In my frowns and in my tumbles
In my determination and in my sweat
In my salty rivers and pools of hope
Hey there you are there!
You my nameless co wanderer

Hey c’mon we will live together
For I never found a mate as you
Who has pervaded even the slightest imagination
And trepidation haunting me
Hey there you are there!
You were always there
I never had to call you
I just looked within me and
hey!!
There you are…there!