MY diary of EXPERIENCE

After walking through the twilight and leaving my shadow to the darkness when one night I will sit, I will write this, ask me no reason, no whys to suffice your curiosity just take that, that one day I was tired of walking and felt like strangled by some invisible intertwined self of mine. Some cobwebs that made my sight go hassled up and pushed me into a bamboozled state which made me sit like that. I was not howling, I was not crying I was just sitting silent looking at the droplets which had dried up on my cheeks and some on my fist, some on my desk and still some which remained intact to the book I kept my hand lingering onto. Everything had settled, everything, the things that triggered the flood were just under scrutiny after the wash. I was still and I let a push of wind play with my disheveled locks. One day I compared my ‘self’, my ‘hunger’ of coming first and every time finding myself at the last reserved rung for me. Time kept fleeting away from my hands and my grip over it getting loose, but still I thought to give it a push and let it pass to let me look at the void I made the things around me to create. Life is simple, but things were complicated and I kept oscillating between the two; life and things. They say be the first, the best or different and I didn’t know how to be any of it, I remained what I was for every time I did so I was restless to catch a bus bound to simplicity, things are complex. If only on the day when they asked me my opinion I had remained mum or had closed my eyes and had heard my heart which said to believe on simplicity and not on the complexity, I bet you, things would have become simple but alas! I silenced my heart and spoke and now do I regret? They say one should never have regrets and so I don’t have any regrets with the way I lead my life but still the very thought of regretting asks you to love you, to hold you even tighter and tell you that, ‘you are perfect’, so sometimes it’s even good to regret to love yourself again. If only I had known and realized murky water is the elixir to my road I am telling you I would have never asked you to imagine me like this but alas! You do imagine me like this and mourn for me, but the road is still open my dear friends and don’t imagine me any further, don’t imagine me as a stoop down lady, I am still agile and dexterous and I still dream and hope. But when I say that ‘if only I had known” mark that time for at that time this lady is not regretting but making a note in her diary of experience, but still when one night after the twilight you see me walking with unpredictable steps, take it for granted that I have loosened my grip on time and is just watching few things for me to note.